I am in a vortex of obligation.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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