You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize