Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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