yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The uberlube is also flammable
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
