i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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