i'm lost and i look like a hooker
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
