I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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