my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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