I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize