did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
