Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
