I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
