So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
