Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
