dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
