i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
