At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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