thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't judge me 👊🼠his dick just whispers my name
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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