how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
