Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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