i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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