I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
