Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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