we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
True college students do jello shots in the library
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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