New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
