i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
