I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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