My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
