dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
