I skipped work to stalk him.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
