the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
