I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
