also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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