Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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