Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Life without a bra equals bliss.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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