Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
