Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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