I have demons in me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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