Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
