he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
