I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
