I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
