I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
