He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she looked like the before picture.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Four minutes until I can fart!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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