A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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