There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
