He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
