I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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