Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
