We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
