i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
