Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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