I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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