Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
