When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
