wat bout pragnant strippers??
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
