How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize