I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
