Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
