If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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