Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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