and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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