I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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