What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
