3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
