We won't sleep together?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
