Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
