; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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