i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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